A Taste of My Own Medicine

“Obstacles do not block the path; obstacles are the path.”  What famous philosopher spoke these powerful words?  Socrates?  Plato?  Malcolm Gladwell?  Nope.  It was Bandit, the dad on the animated show Bluey (a new favorite of mine—you don’t have to be a kid to watch it!).

I learned the truth in Bandit’s words recently.  Over the past few weeks, I have been dealing with a rash and it’s been awful!  It is incredibly difficult to be a dermatologist with a visible skin ailment.  I’ve always been horribly dermatographic and I have learned through the years that I can’t scratch in clinic because I’ll hive up like crazy and no one trusts a dermatologist with a rash!  But we have to remember that we’re also human beings.  We’re not immune to these things just because we are in the field.  In fact, some of us were interested in dermatology in the first place because of our skin problems.

This is definitely not the first time that I myself have had a dermatologic ailment.  As a baby, I had 3 infantile hemangiomas on my face.  In fact, my mom always tells me that I was born to be a pediatric dermatologist because me and hemangiomas go way back!  I had impetigo in college- mortifying- and my dermatologist saved me with cephalexin and mupirocin.  And I had a horrendous contact dermatitis on my abdomen after surgery a couple years ago.  I’m not trying to brag, but my surgeon said it was “the worst she had ever seen.”    

This time my rash was on my face.  And it was bad.  And it shook my confidence.  And it humbled me.  And it gave me a crash course in empathy.

No one else would have considered my rash an emergency.  But to me, it absolutely was.  And that made me feel bad for every patient that has had to wait for an appointment with me or any other dermatology clinician.  When my rash appeared, I could just call a friend (thank you Sabrina Newman!) for help, but patients don’t have access like that to dermatology care.  For the past 2 months, I have been adding on patients like a mad woman.  You’ve got a rash?  I’ll see you today!  I’ve been feeling like Oprah- you get an appointment!  And you get an appointment!  And you get an appointment!

And through my ordeal I’ve gotten to experience some of the medicines that we commonly prescribe.  I will say- the treatment ladder can be a tough climb for a patient that is struggling and dealing with dwindling self esteem.  I approach things differently now because of my journey.  If there is something that I think is more effective than a first line therapy, I encourage it.  If there is something that works faster, I offer it.  If I wouldn’t personally want to take a medicine, I don’t prescribe it.  And if I think a combination of treatments would likely work better than solo therapy, then I’ll throw the kitchen sink at it.  Anything to make my patients better.  Because the patient experience is something that is quite fresh in my memory.

The daily grind of clinic can wear you down.  It can test your resilience.  It can destroy your capacity for empathy.  Being on the other side of things—being in my patient’s shoes—has allowed me to reset my perspective.  

So I have had a taste of my own medicine.  And the path was riddled with obstacles.  But these experiences make us better.  While dealing with this rash has been horrible, I am choosing to look at it with a positive, glass-half full mentality.  These obstacles have made me a better doctor.  Who needs to get their groove back…I’ve got my empathy back!