Don’t Surround Yourself With Yourself…

“Take a straight and stronger course 

To the corner of your life…” 

—Yes, “I’ve Seen All Good People” 

Yes … you know the group … and yes, you know those lyrics like clockwork. Most of you know the signature lyric “I’ve seen all good people turn their heads each day … So satisfied I’m on my way” as well as the chess game that is being played in the song. But how well do we know the circumstances, and risks, of surrounding ourselves with ourselves? And the chess game that dermatology is going through in the era of replacements? The power of groupthink compels us in ways we don’t even realize, or maybe just don’t care to. 

Well, now it gets interesting, just as November gets closer and the 4-year cycles of what brings out the worst in everyone comes to a peak. Obviously, I am referring to fantasy football drafts, but elections tend to rock the house as well. Of course, the shower of negativity that will continue to envelope America until and probably past the election will hopefully not have the lingering haze that the same process of 2020 left behind … hopefully. 

It is interesting that one of the most common questions that we both hear and ask is, “What has happened to people?” Almost to ask the opposite question, “Where are ‘all those good people?’” Or more often, the statement, “People have lost their minds,” is a common reaction to an absence of manners and dignity. In the end, many would agree that the element of humanity is truly being challenged. 

Common decency, in one form or another, used to be the way of the world … the understanding that people would put the best foot forward to make the best of any situation, extend a hand, or go out of the way to be civil, regardless of sacrifice. Simple signs of respect and compassion for the fellow man appear to be slipping away … holding the elevator door or even letting passengers off before getting on, waving thanks when someone lets you merge in, and the simple act of letting others off the plane first instead of running up the aisle to stand and block everyone else from getting out all are becoming extinct in favor of the movement #mefirst. We already discussed not pardoning the interruption this year, so enough said on that … and let’s not even begin with washing hands and the simple act of flushing. 

What has society more on edge is how opinions are now facts or even absolutes, especially when said first, or louder, or in attempt to put the recipient on defense. Notice the difference in the approach between “Do you like pizza?” compared to “So you like pizza?” Immediate defensive positioning and judgment enter the conversation, not to mention the feeling of risk at an answer. Try replacing “pizza” with hotbed subjects like immigration, taxes, or anything else where a powder keg is nearby and imagine how quickly a civil conversation spirals … and that’s with known participants, meaning it’s probably a lot worse with a stranger on the other end, which makes answering a poll rather perilous when your identity and preferences are exposed. 

But what better way to reinforce one’s own belief than to be surrounded by those with similar mindset and avoid those who represent opposition, the foundations of “groupthink.” In this era when philosophies are facts, when disagreements end with personal contempt rather than the “agree to disagree” embrace, and when labels end in “-ist” to make a point that sticks, the ease of slipping into groupthink to avoid solitude or even to feel included has become a safe haven in committees, in groups, or in daily life. Surrounding yourself with yourself is an easy defense mechanism to avoid conflict, but isolation of opinion and finding solace in the bubble of common ground make for detachment as well as a false sense of elitism. Even more concerning is that as we gain ground on artificial intelligence, we are posting losing scores on emotional intelligence. 

As the big day looms this November when the country makes decisions, and we focus on our patient care tasks mixed with committee work and conference calls, we need more conversations that end in embraces and civility instead of absolutes and animosity for those who see things differently. Philosophies and opinions are not facts, and absolutes are a trademark of the dark side (according to the Jedi). Surrounding ourselves with others is what makes us human, so avoid the chess game as the song narrates to us and find the courage to agree to disagree.